holding hands and holding back tears while listening to ‘Little Things’.

reminding me just before we say goodbye how fucking perfect we somehow fit together.

and I’ll move on and I’ll keep smiling, just like I promised. but you’ll be on my mind with every step and every breath and every thought.

and I’m not holding my breath on it but if you ever came back that’d be the second greatest day of my life. (The first was the day we met).

be safe my love, wherever you are somewhere 40,000ft above the sea. thanks for the memories Xxx

I never imagined myself the sort of fool to fall in love. I mean, maybe a wild or whimsical crush but never deep soul shifting, earth shattering L.O.V.E.
And perhaps if I did perchance fall it would be for a friend not a lover. One of those ‘why didn’t I ever notice you standing there right before my eyes’ type of things. Certainly not a crazy, once in a lifetime chance, total destiny, stars aligned, can’t believe our meeting each other ever even came to be.
But there was something so empowering those first few weeks knowing you’d loved me right from the minute we met. And thinking I’d always have the upper hand as I would never, could never allow myself to feel such foolish things. But when you took the time to get to know me, the time to learn to care for me and even the time to learn to put up with me at my very worst. That is when you did it. You went from a lover to a friend. You taught me to say what I’m thinking, to feel what I’m feeling. You didn’t let me run when I was scared, instead you just held me in your arms. I’ll admit at first I was afraid at how safe I felt there.
I’ve replayed it all in my mind a thousand times, but I cannot pick the time it happened. What it was you said or did. The way you smelt or the way you looked at me, held me, made me smile. It really did happen just as they say. I fell in love the way you fall asleep. Really slowly, and then all at once.
And instead of running this time, how safe I knew I was with you, I dove. Deeply, madly, head first, eyes closed. Savoring every moment, devouring every touch, every taste.
More foolish than all was I though, for from the start I knew that this would all abruptly end. Your expiry date was clearly marked from the first fateful night. And all the while we knew that it could never last, why is it now that we feel it’s not the time to end.
Could it be like we’re running toward the train we’ve already know we’ve missed? A last hopeless grasp at a grain of sand that’s slipping through the cracks. My foolish love struck mind however would have me believe that this is some sort of fate. Some fairytale where you’ll come back one day not too long away. Bringing with you all the joy and life that will be gone away with you.
Alas, who knows what will become of us. Or of you and me. Together or apart though there is one thing I know for now. In both our minds the memory of us will remain perfect, unshattered, untainted, unfinished.
That is the most foolish part I fear, that you will still love me as I do you my dear.

the day after tomorrow …

is the day i never thought i’d dread. and the day i wish will never come.

ti quiero mi niño

happy v-day ladies, lads & lovers

just my luck i finally have a boy on valentines and he’s Colombian which means he doesn’t celebrate valentines until September. and he’ll be across the other side of the world by then. can’t complain too much, i got a ‘just cause’ present earlier in the week. and im so glad this love fest will be ancient history in a month when he leaves the country and takes a hunk of my heart with him.